My Almost Constant Fear
On a recent trip to a local restaurant with Diane's family there took place a very brief discussion about the fear of dropping your car keys down a sewer drain. This isn't a fear I've ever actually acknowledged myself, but all of them seemed to agree that a certain amount of terror slips through their bones while crossing over sewer grates, keys in hand.
I attempted in vain to find a name for this particular phobia on the internet, and while there are several references to people having a generalized fear of sewer grates, (I think anyone who has seen 'It' could understand why) I couldn't find any specific references to the fear of losing your keys down a storm drain. Does this mean I get to name the phobia? That's a lot of pressure.
And this got me thinking. Are there other fears and/or concerns I myself experience that could be classified as phobias?
Personally, I have a fear of dropping things in the toilet. I have to practically empty my pockets on the edge of the sink before I can bring myself to lift the lid and unbuckle my pants. I'm especially aware of my checkbook, which I generally keep in my back pocket - I'm so certain that it's going to flip out and land right in the middle of the toilet. I've taken to removing my checkbook from my pocket as soon as I enter any bathroom. I'm sure this must make for an odd scene when I go into any public restroom.
"Did you see that guy just going in to the bathroom? He pulled his checkbook out."
"Huh. I wonder What that's about?"
"Maybe that's where he meets his bookie."
And while we're on the subject of toilets: First of all, I rarely use a public restroom for anything other than urination. I will hold it for hours before I will lower my rear onto a public toilet seat. Unfortunately, there have been times when circumstances would not allow me to return home to take care of business, and I'd have to make do. There's nothing more distressing than trying like heck to, how can I put this, shit gently, so as to avoid the resultant splash of foreign water all over your exposed bottom, and receiving it anyway. It's like the toilets in all mall bathrooms (and Best Buys) are specifically designed to maximize splash back potential. Highly distressing.
So anyway, that's three new phobias for the books:
The fear of losing your keys down a storm drain.
The fear of dropping important items in the toilet.
and The fear of toilet water splashing your rear end while defecating.
I attempted in vain to find a name for this particular phobia on the internet, and while there are several references to people having a generalized fear of sewer grates, (I think anyone who has seen 'It' could understand why) I couldn't find any specific references to the fear of losing your keys down a storm drain. Does this mean I get to name the phobia? That's a lot of pressure.
And this got me thinking. Are there other fears and/or concerns I myself experience that could be classified as phobias?
Personally, I have a fear of dropping things in the toilet. I have to practically empty my pockets on the edge of the sink before I can bring myself to lift the lid and unbuckle my pants. I'm especially aware of my checkbook, which I generally keep in my back pocket - I'm so certain that it's going to flip out and land right in the middle of the toilet. I've taken to removing my checkbook from my pocket as soon as I enter any bathroom. I'm sure this must make for an odd scene when I go into any public restroom.
"Did you see that guy just going in to the bathroom? He pulled his checkbook out."
"Huh. I wonder What that's about?"
"Maybe that's where he meets his bookie."
And while we're on the subject of toilets: First of all, I rarely use a public restroom for anything other than urination. I will hold it for hours before I will lower my rear onto a public toilet seat. Unfortunately, there have been times when circumstances would not allow me to return home to take care of business, and I'd have to make do. There's nothing more distressing than trying like heck to, how can I put this, shit gently, so as to avoid the resultant splash of foreign water all over your exposed bottom, and receiving it anyway. It's like the toilets in all mall bathrooms (and Best Buys) are specifically designed to maximize splash back potential. Highly distressing.
So anyway, that's three new phobias for the books:
The fear of losing your keys down a storm drain.
The fear of dropping important items in the toilet.
and The fear of toilet water splashing your rear end while defecating.
1 Comments:
Greetings from the void! On a lark I did a quick search to see if anyone had written about this feeling because my wife gets on me about how weird it is that I literally clutch my keys when anywhere near a sewer grate. This last time we talked about it I joked I would start a website called "IsItJustMe.com" to find others like me.
Anyway, I think it would be fun to name it since there are at least two of us. A bit more research revealed that phobias should be Greek in execution, but I gave up trying to figure out how to summarize the feeling in a foreign language. In coming weeks I'll see if I can speak with someone that speaks Greek to see what they suggest our root word be...
As far as other unique phobias, I have a brief moment of trepidation when reaching for a doorknob on the side that swings towards you b/c I am convinced someone coming the other way will jam all my fingers with an inappropriately enthusiastic shove from their side.
By the way, I also keep a blog going sporadically that no one really reads, so maybe you can "return the favor" and comment for me there! http://www.howzabout.org/blog/welcome/
Congratulations on your big life changes. My wife and I have a 10 month old and went down the path you guys are on now not long ago. Aside from the sleep deprivation early on, it is truly wonderful. As for the unsolicited parenting advice: Get twice as many receiving blankets as you think you'll need b/c you won't have time for laundry; swaddling rules (we never got a specialty blanket, but many people swear by them); and the importance of burping cannot be overstated since gassy babies are unhappy babies.
You're sure to hear about this, but if not it is a must: http://mylicon.com/products/index.jhtml (My wife says the dye free is better since it won't stain when the unavoidable little spills happen.)
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