Hooray for Excessive Provisions!

After waiting most of the day, word finally filtered down from the loan deities that an arrangement might be reached. I just have to render up my first five children and any money I ever make, ever. Then they'll let me borrow the money... if I can get a co-signer.

Sigh.

If there are any college freshmen, or high school seniors reading this, please take my advice. When you get to school, you're going to be bombarded with advertisements for credit cards. Lots and lots of credit cards. You may hold out for a while. You may think you can get by without them. However, eventually you're going to falter and in that fateful moment they're going to pounce upon you like a ferocious Mountain Lion on a hapless hiker... You can play dead, but they're still going to eat you alive - there's nothing you can do about it.

So my advice to you is this: Don't go mountain climbing whilst wearing Lion Piss Cologne. It's bad news... And don't use credit cards either, because you'll no doubt screw your chances of getting a car loan later in life.

I'm going to go drown my sorrows in a whiskey sour.